UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE OF ILLNESS

When you "reframed" cancer, you began to see illness as more of a challenge than a threat. Now it is time to take this exercise one step further—let's define your unique challenge.

The challenge in illness can be found in its message. In a real sense, the challenge and message of cancer is a call, an opportunity, for personal growth. In this reframe of cancer lies the seed of true healing and lasting wellness.

Could cancer be a message signaling you to make changes in your life? We've already suggested several changes on the physical level—diet, exercise, the lifestyle issues. Might there be more?

Many survivors view cancer as a call for personal transformation. The changes go beyond physical health habits to changes in attitude and self image. The wise patient uses the experience of cancer as a turning point, a time to replace ineffective and limited ways of coping by substituting healthier, more effective methods of nurturing relationships, developing vocations, and pursuing spiritual growth.

No one purposely sets out to give themselves a serious illness. Don't read blame, self-sabotage, or guilt into the message of illness. Instead, realize the changes are potential points of power. Understand that if you have participated in you illness, then by definition, you can participate in your wellness.

Many patients who sincerely seek the message of illness often discover a link between their physical, emotional, and even spiritual states of well-being and the onset of their illness. More important, a large number of the survivors whom I have interviewed can trace the beginning of their healing to their decision to change these beliefs and behaviors. They were able to examine the hidden message in illness and choose a response that changed their lives.

Everyone has the personal responsibility to respond to cancer in this manner. Such a response is in your power. Start by asking yourself:

·         What high-stress events or changes happened in the year or two prior to diagnosis? Become keenly aware of uncontrollable misfortunes. Death of a spouse or child, loss of a job, and financial setbacks are obvious candidates. Also include internal stresses, such as disappointments, major life adjustments, and ongoing conflict in important personal relationships. Most survivors can identify one or more major stresses in their lives prior to the onset of cancer.

·         What was my emotional response to these circumstances? Did you process your grief over the loss, express your emotions, and finally adopt a hopeful stance; or did you sink into a chronic depressed state? This is a measure of your participation. Don't read blame here. Participation simply refers to how you responded to the circumstances that may have triggered the stress. Might you have put others' needs before your own? Did you give yourself permission to mourn the loss or did you determine you were going to be invincible and show no emotions? Did you permit yourself to seek the support of others during these stresses? How effective was your emotional self-care? Many survivors gain significant insight from a close examination of these questions.

·         How might my reactions to stress and loss be changed.? Are there alternative ways of responding? Could these toxic circumstances and relationships be removed from my life? If not, how can I balance them, honoring my own emotional needs first?

Give yourself permission to define your true needs. This is highly important wellness work. It is perfectly acceptable to find constructive and uplifting ways to meet these needs, regardless of what others may say or think. Give yourself that permission. Understand the message cancer has for you.

An Important Thing You Can Do

Conduct a thorough and unflinching personal inventory. In your Wellness and Recovery Journal, complete this exercise:

1.      High-stress event(s) that occurred in the year or two prior to diagnosis or recurrence included         

2.      My three major emotional responses to these high-stress events were

3.      I could have changed these circumstances by